SOMETHING BORROWED [2.5] (9-24-11)

My intentions (when I decided to grab a chic-flick for my lady while I was near a Red Box) were all good. I was hoping to give her an hour and a half of entertainment pleasure, instead of this cesspool of depression I brought home, which seemed to rub off on my DVD player (it just hasn't been the same), only to have her nod off during the supposedly "climactic" plot "twists". I don't want to over-use the quotation marks, but I don't know what else to do. This "movie" is the Kansas City Chiefs of Football. The bright red uniforms attract the eye, and then WHAM! All hope is lost, as they mock your interest by overly SUCKING for as long as possible, just completely rubbing your face all in the crap you left on the floor because of your horrible decision to tune-in to something so undeserving. Spoiler Alert: This movie will make kill yourself.

Friendships are tested and secrets come to the surface when terminally single Rachel falls for Dex, her best friend Darcy's fiancé.

Kate Hudson plays a great party girl, the end. Everything else eagerly welcomes you to blur your vision and hum in your head as the chemistry, er complete LACK of chemistry, between the cast members spits in your face time and time again. I do not know the actor's name that played the lead male role, and I hope I never learn it. A simple browser search would answer all of my questions, but it would only encourage the potential fact that people actually look him up on the Internet. I do not wish to support his career in any way at all... and, I just realized his name is on the Movie Poster Pic above the top paragraph anyway. It's as if the Director asked him to intentionally be as horrible as possible, so as to help the other leads in the film shine. He was a cliche' hot guy that took a leave of absence from his life of modeling underwear so he could fulfill a recent dare to make a complete ass of himself while attempting to act. Dare fulfilled.

John Krasinski as Jim Halpert. As a fan of The Office (NBC), I was secretly looking forward to John's appearances. JOHN'S appearances, not JIM'S. His job was very easy: Make a sarcastic face at least once each time the camera comes around, and wear a tie without buttoning the top of his shirt. He was a very small speck of dirt on this freshly plucked potato of crap. No comic relief, just Jim in another universe.

This movie dragged on, and on, and on, and on... Oh my God, will my eyes ever rest!?

After winning the battle by staying remotely attentive for and hour and a half... it was finally over, and I was so overwhelmed with excitement because I would finally be doing ANYTHING other than watching Something Borrowed.